Weekend at Bernie's 3

Word has it that Weekend at Bernie's 3 is in the works. This guy must be auditioning for the role and should be getting to work on growing his mustache and picking out the best "Lennon/Ozzy" shades money can buy. Other than that, he has the look down. From the neo-Parrothead wardrobe to the "look at me, I'm dead" facial expression, this guy is a shoe-in. The bemused head-cock of the girl in purple shirt says it all. "Quick, get Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman over here before this dude falls down and ruins everything."

Miss Florida

What better to adorn your psychedelic maternity dress and spray-on tan than a #71 Hurley surfer hat. Thank you for being the complete embodiment of Miss Florida chic. By the way, she is the one who went with platform flip flops. We wouldn't have it any other way.

Flop Wars

"Classy" platform flip-flops vs. "down to earth" thin sole flip flops... you make the call.

Hood Economics

If you gonna take Hood Economics 101, be sure to get your boy, Professor Dead Man PHD, fuck the rest. Ya' heard!

ooowwweeeeee...

...'nuff said.

Hip Drip

Yeah, that's right, your hip would be wet too if you you had bitches grindin' on you all freakin' night. And with these fresh dance moves, it ain't like they can resist. "Lemme get an couple'a Jagerbahmz ova' hea'!"

Perfect 10

Hey, when you got it, you got it. Might as well share it with the world. This guy is a perfect 10 and don't he know it. Posting his perfect score on his t-shirt should have been enough. Too bad the DC ladies let this catch slip away into another lonely night. Shame on you ladies, shame on you.

Perfect Summer Jeans

Note to the fellas out there, the perfect summer jeans for dudes are well relaxed with a flared cut and must, I repeat MUST have ass-flaps to protect the precious contents of your back pockets. A half-tucked dress shirt and flip-flops amazingly complement these beautiful leg coverings. You don't have to spend a fortune for this dazzling look either, just head on over to your local Wal-Mart and snatch these suckers up for only $18. See you there. ;-)>

Indepen(douche) Day Weekend

Ah, Independence Day in the nation's capitol, time to par-tay! What could be better to celebrate freedom from the British than something they could never quite take from us, funk and soul music. DJ Nitekrawler was throwin' down the jams for his monthly Moneytown danceparty at the most American Ethiopian restaurant in DC, Dahlak. Also spinning on the ones and twos was Cincinnati DJ Chris "Iceburg" Burgan of Iceburg Records. Free to get in(!)but, though the music was sweet, the partygoers were not.

The dancefloor was dominated in Hollister Bros. and Ambercrombie Babes. One dude with a leg brace, obviously from "pimpin' too hard". No one ever said this would be easy.

Time to make a quick trip down 18th St. and see what is poppin' at Pharmacy Bar, the best bar in Adams Morgan ($3 PBR's+$5 Tequila shots). We enter to find that people are really feeling this USA thing engaging in what our country was truly founded on, shoot-'em-up technology.


The streets of Adams Morgan were awash with stylistic mastery but my favorites were Soup Mane and his sidekick Noodle Boi.

Honorable Mention goes to their arch-nemesis High-Hat.

Back to Dahlak, where the crowd was thinning out but the dancing spirit was still alive. This guy obviously was able to block out the funk 45s by repeating Brooks and Dunn in his head.

Bun B was mackin' honeys.

Bitches pulled wallflowers.

And this beauty ruled what was left of the dancefloor.

Back to the metro where we got our last glimpse of greatness where we waited behind a spousal-abused feminist.

All in all, just another night in Douche City. PS: Thanks to the Dahlak bartender for the Johnny Walker shots!

New York Night Train Happening (Douche City Edition)

Saturday night I was given my first night off from my new job and decided to find something to do. After about an hour of searching the internet for a halfway decent event in DC, we saw that Civilian Art Projects was hosting a New York Night Train Happening. Kid Congo Powers(ex-Cramps, Gun Club, and Bad Seeds, minus his current band, the Pink Monkey Birds), Edie Sedgwick (the shitty band, not Andy Warhol's muse), and EXACTLY(DC's "best" attempt) were to perform live along with DJs Jonathan Toubin and Nitekrawler. Also, we were to be dazzled by the Go-Go Dancing abilities of Anna Copa Cabanna and "gyrating" prowess of Hula-Hoop Harlot Melissa Anne. THIS WAS IT! Finally, our last hope for DC excellence.

The night started well. We have gotten used to paying $10 for any entertainment in Washington other than a jukebox full of shit, so the price of admission actually seemed appropriate. Drinks we priced well too, $3 for vodka & tonic or rum and Coke, alright! As people started to come in, we found what we have now come to expect in DC ie., cargo shorts, chillaxed jeans, Urban Outfitters new line of summer dresses, and (ugh) flip-flops. Unexpected entries into the arena of cool gear included a girl in a pink afro wig and extreme bike pant roll chic. Wow!

The DJs ripped through 45s of incredible soul and funk until EXACTLY took stage, shirtless and covered in stage blood. They were a bit more boring than i had been led to believe but the set was salvageable enough. Luckily, we spent the majority of the Edie Sedgwick performance waiting for the bathroom behind Mr. Missed Connection. They were even worse than I had expected, and that wasn't much. At last, it was time for DC resident Kid Congo Powers to hit us with what he had cooked up for the finale. With much fake silver hair on his head and face, the Kid belted out a few songs somewhere between the second Suicide album and his first band, The Cramps. He then took a break and handed things over to Anna Copa Cabanna for her musical performance. Still no sign of Hula-Hoop Harlot Melissa Anne, oh well.After a bit more DJ action, we decided to call it a night, effectively giving up on DC once and for all. It was a noble effort but expectations are now at an all time low. Thanks.

Sex Change (live) - Kid Congo Powers